Thoughts on a rainy day

I feel like I have so many thoughts in my head I want to write about and I don’t even know where to start, as usual. It’s been so up and down in my head these last few weeks I don’t really know what to think, and that’s okay. I’m working it out. I feel like some days I can conquer the world with my confidence and I love inspiring people and making them smile. And then some days I question everything and beat myself up about not being able to actually take my own advice. I love to listen to people and I feel like I have had a lot of life experience that does seem to inspire and motivate others. I feel like I know what I need to do to be happy and acquire self-love or in general the positive and happy ways we should live our lives; but actually implementing them into your own life and making yourself a priority is a struggle at times.

I go from thinking I know exactly what I want to having no idea what I’m going to do with my life. I know life is what you make it and I’m so grateful, but I feel like I just keep getting stuck in a cycle of feeling like I have my shit together and then being completely lost. Which I guess is just a part of life. I’m starting to realize the only thing constant thing in life is change, and that the ups and downs are inevitable. What really matters is how you let tomorrow affect you and how you let your thoughts and actions control your life.

There is no point in ‘what ifs’ because if it was meant to be it would have. Point blank. With jobs, relationships, experiences; if it was meant to work out it would have. No matter how much you allow yourself to over think or wish things went differently, you need to value yourself enough to know your worth, be yourself, accept reality, and keep moving forward. If it didn’t turn out the way you expected or wanted it to, let it be a lesson you can learn from.

Trust that your life will work out the way it’s meant to – but stay focused, have fun, work hard, be ambitious, and most importantly take action. Have a goal and make it happen, because literally no one is going to do it for you. This is something I’ve struggled with as even though I do consider myself a pretty independent person, I still battle to get certain things done for myself by myself. You have to take responsibility over your life and get things done for yourself. I’m the biggest procrastinator and it sucks but eventually it hits me that I’m only making it harder for myself by thinking anything is going to get done if I don’t get my shit together and just make it happen.

For example, I still don’t have a car here. I’ve spent months and months looking at options online and I know I need to just go into a dealership and choose one, make it happen, and I’ll finally have a car in Atlanta. Cars are something I’m not particularly interested in so I can admit I’m ignorant when it comes to knowing what to know when buying a car, and I’m not about to buy any car and get screwed over, so not being able to independently handle the task and get it done just frustrates me more to the point where I have procrastinated and avoided just making it happen. It also doesn’t help that I can only look on weekends and it just never seems to work out then. I know once I actually make it happen my life will be monumentally better as I’ll finally be free and have my independence from Uber and the train.

It’s a stormy day in Atlanta and here I am pondering and rambling on about life. I’m proud of myself and what I’ve achieved over the years and I’m so hopeful for the future, but my new project is really focusing on living in the now. Appreciating what I have without expecting more. I need to get into a better routine of self-love and taking responsibility. I don’t only want to inspire others but I want to be able to inspire myself. I want to wake up and be excited to start a new day with a positive happy outlook, not snooze until there is literally no time left to sleep, get ready and go. I want to be someone who is comfortable by herself and who doesn’t need others to determine their happiness.

You can’t just find happiness, you need to create it with your thoughts and actions. Be ambitious, be kind, be humble, be adventurous. Make your life and your happiness a priority, because at the end of the day no one can love you if you don’t love yourself.

 

 

Goodbye 2016, Hello 2017

I feel like 2016 was a pretty shitty year for the world in general. But to be honest when I look back at 2016 – it was actually an amazing year for me. Yes there were struggles, but overall I really did have an awesome year. Sometimes when you think life is really hard, you need some perspective (getting to go home and visit) to make you appreciate life the way it should be appreciated.

Was it an easy year? Definitely not. But when I look back the nights I slept on mattresses on the floor/ a couch, I appreciate the hell out of my bedroom. When I look back at the hours stuck at work on the weekends, I remember how worth it it all was when I got to travel across Europe with my bestie and meet my family in Amsterdam. When I think about the nights I cried myself to sleep, I think about how far I have come and how much I have to be proud of. When I think about how I came back to Atlanta after my Eurotrip not really having a clue where I was going to be living or what I’d be doing for work, I smile and think about my awesome job and apartment I have now.

Even though I only had two weeks to spend with my family and friends back home in South Africa, I’m grateful I atleast had the opportunity to be with them. Even though the visit was short it was better than still being stuck and not having much to come back to. Also, I’m grateful I atleast have an incredible family across the world that I love unconditionally. So even if I feel alone, I’m never completely on my own.

I’m so beyond grateful that 2016 allowed me to travel the world, spend time with my amazing family, see how grown up my siblings are, learn how to be more independant, work my ass off, achieve my goals, make new friends, appreciate true friendships, learn from my mistakes, focus on my own happiness, be kind and understand that karma is real, and appreciate the little things in life.

Trust that everything happens for a reason. Even the hardest times end up being a lesson at some point and help us be more humble, grateful human beings.

Bring on the 2017 adventures ❤

 

It starts with a ‘P’ and ends in ‘erspective’

When my life is frantic crazy busy I come up with so many cool things to write about. Now I’m at work and it’s quiet but I can’t think of what I want to write about. So I thought I’d just wing it and hope my brain and hands do some magic.

As previously mentioned, one of my best friends has just moved to Costa Rica to teach English. I’ve tried to be there and encourage her as much as I can, because I know the feeling of life changing as you know it. These six months haven’t been easy. There have been more ups and downs than I can count. But my friend’s new experience got me thinking, I should start taking my own advice.

There are going to be hard times. There are also going to be awesome times. It is all about perspective. I can give friends and family advice about being positive and how it’s all part of the adventure, but this year is going so quickly that I’ve stopped thinking like that about my own experiences; and my ups and downs. We’re only human, and it’s okay to be sad sometimes. What is important is to realize is to appreciate what you have, and try see things with a positive perspective.

A couple weeks ago I was riding my bike home from work in the rain, and first thought to myself: “Ugh. WHYYYYYY?!”. But then I thought how it is all about perspective; and I realized that it was actually really beautiful. It’s not like I’m allergic to water. Why should I let a little rain ruin my day? I rode over the bridge to a magnificent sunset, and turned my annoyed ugly face into a smile. The saying shouldn’t be about ‘raining on your parade’; it should be about not letting the rain ruin your parade. Nothing and no one should get in the way of your own happiness.

This seems so ironic trying to preach all this about perspective and making your own happiness, when I have always felt like I need other people in my life to make me happy. This year has been so significant in the respect to finding my own happiness, and how to be independently happy. It’s a working progress for sure. But at least it’s progress. I guess sometimes you do need to be thrown into the deep end. Good news is I know how to swim 😉 And by swim I mean I’m trying to be smart and say I know I can get through it.

Life is an opportunity.  An opportunity to grow, to learn, to challenge, to develop, to live, to love. Be the author of your own novel; everyday is a new page. I will start trying to take my own advice 🙂

Perspective is the difference between an ordeal and an adventure ❤